In our girls rising mother-daughter puberty retreats, we gather simple and effective regulating tools throughout the day to help when things get rocky on the journey of life.
This morning my daughter was shouting because she had missed the bus. I knew that although she was shouting at us, she was actually angry with herself and needed an outlet. It was all okay, because luckily one of us could take her to school and she wouldn't be late, but the stress was fully in her body and she needed to “let it out” on us.
As I learn to be more aware of the nervous system and how we try to come back to safety, I am more aware of how I can support my daughters to do the same - this is of course much easier to do if my own fight and flight response hasn't been triggered itself - but it's becoming invaluable for me to understand and learn what boundaries need to be in place at times to help.
Once my daughter had calmed a little, had some breakfast (which she hadn't had time for before), I invited her to have a 20-second hug with me.
It is a tool we often use in our house, so it was not the first time we have used it and we use this tool in our day retreats. A simple 20-second hug - heart to heart leaning to the right - not left- of our bodies. Then to count in our heads to 20, we feel the body softening, the breathing slowing and our hearts have time to sync.
We stopped and there was a noticeable difference in her whole demeanour and she went to school regulated.
If you and your children/partners are huggers, I highly recommend this simple tool - it works wonders!
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